I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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