I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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