You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
