Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
