Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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