So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
