what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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