There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
