I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize