but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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