Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sponge bath it is.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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