my mouth tastes like poor choices
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
