I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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