first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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