Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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