we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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