that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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