I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
