I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
