It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
farters have to be the big spoon...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
