Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
