no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
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