dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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