well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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