how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
