Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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