So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
