Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
