2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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