I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I deserve this hangover.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
