I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
