I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nicole vs. Life
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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