Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
