just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
