I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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