Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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