i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
