pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
