Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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