; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
