I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
