I'm going to jail i love you
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
