Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
