She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
