He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
