Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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