when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
