hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
