We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
