New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
