Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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