Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize