Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
