great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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