So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
