i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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