Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize