good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
