there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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