He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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